Funerals / Memorials

HOW WE CAN HELP

Dear Friends:

If you are reading this at the time of a death, know that our hearts go out to you. It is our goal to provide all the supports we can to you and yours.

If you are reading this before a loss has occurred - feel proud. Reading a brochure about funerals or memorial services is a mature and courageous act. It is never easy to contemplate death in advance.

Either way, in the body of Christ, we are filled with the promise of resurrection and are able to give such thought to funeral and memorial planning, full of hope.

This brochure is offered to help you plan well before or during the time of loss. The information is designed to help family members face a death with more confidence, to help us maintain relationships during difficult times, and to help all of us live our faith until we are, momentarily, parted. Please accept this offering in that spirit.

Sincerely yours,

Gordon Taylor, Ordained Minister

Lori Stewart, Diaconal Minister

These procedures are in keeping with generally accepted practice throughout the United Church of Canada. They are here to help you obtain the services of Fort Garry United Church. They are in place to ensure that the service has the meaning and effectiveness that will be of maximum spiritual benefit to the bereaved.

BEFORE DEATH COMES

Many things can be done in advance of a death, or even of an illness. Call your minister: request a visit.  There is no substitute for knowing the one on whom you will rely in time of need. You need not wait for a crisis; call any time. If you wish, discuss your thoughts about a funeral.

Consider writing out an Advanced Health Care Directive, Living Will. These documents help family members and medical people to know your wishes about health care, should you become unable to express these for yourself. A brochure is available at the Church.

Also, make sure you have an updated Will, and Power of Attorney Documents. A will spells out important decisions such as the distribution of your assets, the care of children; speak to your lawyer, etc. The Power of Attorney document enables another to manage your financial affairs if you are not able to speak for yourself.

Visit and evaluate funeral directors to look after the physical arrangements of funeral, cremation, burial, etc.  Investigate the Memorial Society. Consider direct cremation and various cemeteries where burial may take place. In deciding, think about the ease of visiting the cemetery after the funeral as well as the financial details.

Consider making special gifts in person. You can make a significant contribution to important people and organizations that mean a lot to you. You may wish to make a gift to your local church or national denomination, or specify the same in your will. You may keep on supporting FGUC with a bequest.  Many options are available to you.

Talk with your family about your wishes. Conversations with family need not be a difficult experience. They can be grand reminiscences of the moments that joined you at the heart. You may be surprised about the joy and intimacy that will follow.

Get your own affairs in order from the point of view of your executor. List your assets and liabilities. Detail the location of financial records, keys, insurance policies, etc. Write a memo to guide the distribution of possessions with high sentimental value. Consider changes to legal documents. A very helpful checklist, prepared by a widow during her own bereavement has proven to be a helpful resource. A copy of this document, “Taking Care of Business” is available at the church.

AT THE TIME OF DEATH

Call your minister as soon as possible, even when death seems immanent. Your minister is able to assist you in bearing the loss, saying farewells and grieving with hope. S/he will make every effort to come to you as soon as possible. Sometimes, however, an immediate response is impossible; s/he may already be attending at another urgent situation. While your minister is busy, don’t give up. Call again if there is no answer. Whenever possible, speak directly to him/her.

Take time in the presence of your beloved. Stay with them…touch. Cry. Pray. Say farewell. You need not be rushed away from them. It is as difficult to comprehend death as it is life. Take your time.

Soon after death has occurred, a funeral director will need to be contacted, to move the deceased person’s body, and begin preparations for burial or cremation. If you have made decisions in advance, this step involves only a phone call.

After the death, arrange a meeting with your minister to prepare for a service of remembrance. This will involve as many family members as wish to attend. A detailed interview about your loved one will take place; lots of stories will be gathered to ensure awkward mistakes of tone or content are avoided. This meeting will also involve planning the details of the funeral/memorial and or graveside (interment) service(s)

Friends, family and church members will want to visit you to offer their support and care. These visits can be extremely supportive. Friends can look after many of your day-to-day needs (meals, phone calls, errands, etc) and lend you strength to deal with your loss. At the same time, it is wise to make space for your own grief. Visitors can become a distraction; you may end up feeling as though you have to minister to their loss rather than vice versa. Feel free to take the phone off the hook. Have someone protect you by taking calls and saying “s/he’d love a visit, but is not available at the moment. I’ll let her/him know you called. Thank you for your concern”. Everyone understands.

PLANNING A FUNERAL/MEMORIAL SERVICE

What is a funeral / memorial service?A casket and body is present at a funeral; an urn or nothing at all is present at a memorial service. They are alike in most other respects. Both are services of worship. In both, our grief, thanksgiving and celebration of the life of the beloved are placed in the context of God’s all-embracing presence and purpose. These services are not just generic services where we praise God without reference to the person who has died. Neither do they focus only on the person who has died, without reference to God. Both emphases are necessary; we grieve with hope, and celebrate the person who has died because of the good news of the God’s love.

Location.Whenever possible, consider the church as the location of the service. Both small and large gatherings may be held in the sanctuary. Here you may find comfort in these symbols of Christian faith and the memories of the community involvement.

Guest Clergy. As part of a United and uniting church, we welcome participation of guest clergy who have a personal relationship with family members. Experience has taught us that a FGUC staff member is needed at every service to ensure your service and our hosting responsibilities are fulfilled effectively. The familiarity of our staff with the facilities, equipment and church systems is an invisible layer of support that cannot simply be assumed with guest leadership. As a consequence, it is required that FGUC ministerial staff will be in charge of all services in the church, and may negotiate full and meaningful participation with other religious leaders. To avoid missteps, please discuss your wishes with the minister at FGUC before plans and promises are made.

Guest musicians are sometimes requested by family members. The use of the church organ by guest musicians as a rule is not permitted, as this instrument requires special care and competence. Use of the church grand piano by guest pianists is occasionally granted. Permission must be sought from the church Music Director in advance and an audition may be required. Family members are warned that such permission is not automatic. Whenever a guest keyboardist is arranged, a Bench Fee equivalent to the usual Organist fee is levied. This fee, paid to the Organist, ensures that a skilled musician is retained at the church.

RECEPTION

Reception If there is to be a reception at the Church, please let the minister know in advance how many visitors you guess might attend. In our experience, more people turn out than most family members expect. A Funeral Reception Committee is able to prepare light refreshments for your guests.

1. Tea, coffee, juice: $2 per person for the first 100 guests; $1 per person thereafter

2. Tea, coffee, juice, cheese, pickles, dainties: $3 per person for the first 100 guests; $2 for each additional person

3.Tea, coffee, juice, cheese, pickles, dainties, fruit bread: $4 per person for the first 100 guests; $3 for each additional person

4. If the family wishes to have more elaborate foods (e.g. sandwiches, etc.), an outside caterer will be required.  The Funeral Reception Committee is available to serve beverages only at the rate listed above, of $2 per guest.

Bulletins  A bulletin, like the Sunday order of worship, helps newcomers follow the order of worship, and enable all to participate in reciting unison psalms, prayers or hymns not printed in the hymn book. In addition, the bulletin may be a helpful keepsake to send to people who could not attend. We supply white paper worship bulletins if programs are desired, with an appropriate symbol or portrait and information on the front page. Pre-printed color photographic covers may be purchased at most church supply stores. Color bulletins produced by the church cost $0.30 per bulletin.

Flowers may be delivered to the church between 9 am and 4 pm from Monday through Friday. If you wish, flowers may remain in the sanctuary for the Sunday morning worship service, in memory of your beloved. Flowers left at the church will then be shared with shut-ins and others. Please let us know of your wishes. Families are also invited to consider inviting donations to the church in lieu of flowers.  PLEASE NOTE:  DUE TO ALLERGY SENSITIVITIES, LILIES ARE NOT TO BE BROUGHT INTO THE BUILDING.

Gathering As worshippers arrive at the church, they are comforted to see a familiar face and a knowledgeable guide. Please consider naming 1, 2 or 3 ushers to welcome worshippers, direct them to a ‘guest’ book, washrooms, family room, special seating, etc. In the event a casket is present, 6 pall bearers are usually required. These may greet the casket at the door, carry it into the narthex, and wheel the casket into the sanctuary. If the casket is placed in the sanctuary prior to worship, pall bearers will only carry the casket from the sanctuary to the coach following the service. Family usually arrives 10-20 minutes prior to the service and gathers in a previously arranged space. The minister will meet you there, and lead you to your reserved seats.

Service Groups / Associations / etc. Many people are active in organizations outside of the church (e.g. The Royal Canadian Legion, The Masons, Eastern Star, etc.) that have their own liturgies of farewell. When these are requested to participate at the church, the service is lengthened substantially. In these instances, it is best if this portion of the service takes place at the beginning of worship. Of course, there is no obligation for these organizations to take part in the service other than to join in worship. Please notify your minister.