Re-membering Our Beloved
As I have experienced more losses closer to home, I realize the New Zealand Maori have it right. They celebrate an “Unveiling Day” a year after the death of a loved one. On that day, family and friends meet again at the graveside, and unveil the headstone or marker of their late beloved. I have lately learned some Canadian Aboriginal people observe similar rites.
Sometimes they picnic. Sometimes they have a formal ritual. Whatever else they do, at least they provide opportunity to remember, to share memories, and to allow grief to come to the surface again, where feelings and memories can be discussed in a circle of care. This ritual, part of cultural expectation, understands that grief is not finished a week or a month or even a year after a loss.
We at Fort Garry United Church recognize our need for richer forms of community observances than our culture suggests. As a result, we are moving to enrich our Anniversary Sunday (first Sunday of November; so that our remembering will do greater honor to those who have died, and to their surviving family members.
Our plan is to recognize these departed, and their living relatives, in a variety of ways. First, there will be words of remembrance that speak of our connections to our kin. Secondly, during a specially chosen choir anthem, we will project a high-resolution picture of each of those from our midst who have died over the last two years. A caption naming each person will be included. Third, we are establishing a Book of Lives, in which to record, in elegant physical form, an image of the departed, their names, birth and death dates, their surviving kin (as listed in their obituary, for example). Further, this memorial will include a few brief comments from family members that describe their loved one for future generations to see. These memory pages (one per individual remembered) will be dedicated and put on display at our annual Anniversary Sunday. Of course, the liturgy itself will link our faith to these relationships.
Family members may wish to attend, and, of course, you are warmly welcomed to do so (although attendance is not an obligation). We do appreciate knowing in advance if you plan to attend, so we may provide you with reserved seating and sufficient copies of your relative’s Life Page, and other keepsakes, that we will provide.
Would you care to participate? We would be honored if you would. Please let us know by the communication form most convenient to you – phone, letter, email, in person.
If you wish to participate, the following information is requested:
- Full name (and maiden name if applicable), date of birth, date of death;
- A photo you may email a digital photo to
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or bring a printed photo to be scanned at the church.
- We may already have a picture from funeral services prepared here (Please be aware that while faces can be cropped out of group photos, the process of enlargement can pixelate or diffuse a picture to the point of being unattractive);
- A clearly focused, high density image will provide the best reproduction;
- Family members' names (Parents, Siblings, Partner, Children, Grandchildren, etc.);
- Personal information that helps future generations know your family member: (please note: there is a firm limit of ½ of one 8.5x11” sheet of paper, 11 point Times New Roman font that will be used in these Life Pages (roughly 350-400 words). This is to ensure an attractive and consistent appearance of each page that will go into this leather bound folio.
- We'll ask you to sign a permission form so we may display this book in a public in the church. Our office administrator will be available throughout each working day to answer question.
We pray you grace in your inmost heart, and continued healing of all your losses.
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